Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
