I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
