She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Who died my cat blue again?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
