grandma shit on top of the toilet
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dicks are not precious.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
