is your mom at the bar?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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