i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
