Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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