the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
