my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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