Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
