I accidentally burped into my bong.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
