I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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