bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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