Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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