who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
