the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
