I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
