I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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