Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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