You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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