I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
