If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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