He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
