Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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