You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This is the high leading the old right now
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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