My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
