Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
