I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
