She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
