in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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