I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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