She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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