i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
