i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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