I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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