Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
