it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
