Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
