they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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