My balls are so social today.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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