Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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