His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
