I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
