evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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