what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
