Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
