so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
