she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
