there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
now i know why i became what i already was.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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