Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
