Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
