My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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