this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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