We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize