So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
