i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
