my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
