where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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