my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
