dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
