is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
