Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
