Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
