Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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