his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You pole danced in your parka.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
