why didn't you poke me back
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize