I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize