When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We need a shit load of segways right now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
