Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
